I think some people, no alot of people, will judge me because of my decision to leave since I haven't been there for long. What spark off my decision was not because of the job scope (it's quite free actually... For me :/) or the pay or the benefits (they have quite good benefits) or the people I work with on a daily basis or come into contact with, although some of the job scope do stress me out because of my personality, actually I was quite happy with what I am doing (although sometimes they drive me crazy, I am still generally happy) , it was because of her. It may not be what ultimately led to the decision but it was what spark off the idea that I need to leave.
Actually I'm writing this because I want to remind myself why I decided to leave during times when I feel guilty for leaving.
I have no idea why but she always makes me feel so stress that I'm always in tense situation, I will feel stress checking my email, thinking that she will sent me an email to blast me and my heart will always skip a beat when I receive an email. Then there was this week where I kept getting blasted because of the videos and plans that I sent her. I got so stress that for the whole week I was having stomach cramps. Then when I talked to others I realized that my job was kind of affecting my physical health so I started to have thoughts about leaving, since every time I rant about my work I always feel tears in my eyes. Because of the fear she drive into my brain, I broke down twice at work.
Yeah I know, maybe I'm just weak mentally, but this is the first time I experience such emotions at work.
Plus I feel that she really dislike me, or my personality. She feels that I don't interact enough with the people in the company especially those from another branch and I'm always nervous when I meet her (which I admit I am, but I really cannot help it). I felt that no matter how hard I tried to interact with the people from another branch, at least those I come into closer contact with, to her I'm not trying hard enough.
I also hate the sales pressure I get from the job. Although there may not really be sales involved, but being a profit motivated company, profit is always important. Then there are the people comparing how many hours each of us are doing. Even though they may say the profit and hours is not the main thing, from the actions is not true. Especially what she said when i said I wanted to resign. Sometimes it is really not up to us to decide our hours cause there is alot of other factors. Then before every term stress I have to be stress again, haha and also the first session (but that is my problem). Then because parents pay so much, I also get stress when I see them not improving fast enough.
Of course, escaping here may not be the best solution but we will never know if I will find happiness somewhere else until I leave.
When I started to consider to leave, other factors will come in to convince me I should leave. Take for example, my pay. When other people earning 3k or more complain about their pay, im like my take home pay isn't even 2k. Pay shouldn't be everything it is something. Slowly I realized is not just a small gap, it is actually a big gap. Last time I used to think having a low pay is okay, but when we start to compare it will affect you. You will realize I can't save as much, I can't buy as many things... Of course I also know that we shouldn't always be comparing with others. Ren bi ren qi si ren.
The people I really feel bad about leaving is the kids and the parents especially now when the parents say something nice or the children do something nice. Haha but when they act like devils....
Sometimes I do think, am I asking for too much.
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