Last time when my grandpa was still alive, he will buy us durians when we go over on Saturday. 

When he couldn't really go out anymore, he would give money to my aunt to buy durian for us. 

💕

Insomnia

Recently my insomnia has came back.

I can go to bed.at 11.30pm and still be awake at 2am. 😭 and because I know I have insomnia, I already don't nap in the afternoon. 

Haix, and I know this insomnia stems from anxiety. I think I either need sleeping pills or some medication that can knock me out. 

Where is the girl who can fall asleep anytime anywhere anyhow. 

The life of a hoarder

This week, I'm trying to pack my room. 

On Monday, I threw away 2 boxes of nail polishes. I think there were at least 20 bottles? Some from an auntie (all OPI/ORLY) and some from Korea. When I went to Korea long time ago, I bought nail polishes like they were free, and then ended up giving alot of them to my cousin.  

On Wednesday, I tried to pack my wardrobe. I managed to pack one big bag of clothes to donate and some to throw. However, my wardrobe is still bursting. It's really so hard to donate/throw clothes, because I will be thinking what if I can wear them next time? And I realised I buy clothes that I don't wear/can't wear because they are cheap, thinking that I can wear them next time/I will lose weight. And I like to buy clothes and don't wear them, feeling good that I have alot of new clothes. Then I realised that I like to keep the packaging like the boxes or plastic of the things I bought. So I threw them away too. 

Today, I tried to pack my brother's room which have became my storeroom, but it's really so hard. No matter how I throw, the things doesn't seem to lessen. I really like to collect boxes, especially those beautiful boxes. When I go overseas, then I like to buy those biscuits and keep the boxes as momentos but they take up so much space. 

Why am I a hoarder? 

- I have difficulty throwing away things and have the mentality of what if I need to use them next time. 

- I keep even the packaging of the things. 

Not only am I a hoarder, I am also a shopperholic. I like to buy things when it's cheap or when there's a sale. When companies come out with a collection, like kit kat, I want to collect all the boxes. Then every few months, I will be addicted to something. For example, there was a period I was addicted to scrapbooking...then last I was addicted to crystals...then I will buy alot of things for my addiction. Not to mention buying things for my dog and the kiddos. I think if I'm not a shopperholic, I probably would have saved alot of money too. 

 

Toto...I'm still waiting for you. 

身心累

I feel like I'm so tired, is like I don't even have strength to walk. 

But

I don't know if I'm physically tired because I didn't sleep enough/well 

Or

I'm drained by the kids 

Or 

Im drained by the workload 

Or 

Everything 

Today the canteen auntie was asking me, below your eyes there's this black thing, is it you put eyeliner or because not enough sleep. 

Our team was supposed to do something- plan a programme for the kids in the programme...then one of the member went to complain to say if we are doing the programme, shouldn't we be off loaded. Then her boss went to say to let me and V do it, and work with the plc lit group. I was damn irritated because hello? I'm also running the programme so if the others should be off loaded shouldn't I be too? And I'm quite sure my periods are not any less than the rest of them but my pay is hahha... In the first place I shouldn't even be doing this programme, but not enough people then okay I do. I don't mind doing the programme actually. However, it's also not fair that they are loading me like that. So I told the person who asked me to do the extra programme to tell her boss to say that I'm also doing the programme so why load me, but either she didn't (cause when I told her I think she treated it as a joke) or her boss didn't listen. Just because I usually don't say no...it's really making me very 身心累。

爬不起来， 就死了。

January Doctor

Starting off the year with...a doctor trip. 

Finally got to see my GP today. The last 2 days I went also at 4.30 and 4.20 but they were closed for registration. 

So went to my GP because there is a little bump on the surgery site and it's still there even after one month. I think initially he wanted to ask me to go back to the surgeon because he asked if I had a open date but I said he discharged me after he removed the stitches. 

The GP trip was a deja vu of the first time I went to consult about the lump. 

- the GP asked me if I wanted to take vaccine 

- the GP said it wasn't serious 

- the GP asked what was I concern about 

Like same questions same things happening...

Haha and he tried to squeeze it also and this time got blood coming out. 

I wonder if he got a shock by the long wound 🤔 

Anyway he said it's a stitch granuloma and asked me not to do anything to it. Except maybe I can put the antibiotic cream. So since I still have the previous cream, I can continue using it. 

I asked him how long will it take to go away, he said don't know. I guess I will give it one month, or maybe until March holidays. If still doesn't heal maybe I will go back to the GP or give the surgery clinic a call. 

Wow I'm amazed by the accuracy. 

To a better 2021

 2020 hasn't been an easy year. 

Not for me. 

Not for the world. 

In 2020, 

I lost a close one. And no thanks to covid, visitations was cut and we didn't get to see him one last time. 

I had a health scare and went for a surgery. 

My dog had a health scare and quite a few health issues this year. 

Thanks to the above 2 points, part of the reason why even though everyone is saving money during this year of no travel, my finance in 2020 hasn't been great too. 

The work environment hasn't been great. I keep getting pissed off by people, maybe is just me - And even on the last 2 days of 2020, people still piss me off. 

In 2021, 

May my family, friends and I be blessed with good health and joy. 

May I learn to let it go, let it go, let it go...

And May I win the toto first prize today 🙏

LET'S GO TOWARDS A BETTER 2021!!!