Goodbye forever

Today is my last day in Macau, flying back to Singapore tomorrow. The dread of going back to work, I'm not ready...

Had the wake yesterday and cremation today. The wake was a very traditional kind of wake, my first experience. Is really like a scene out of the drama, and also quite different from what we experience in Singapore. They really place importance on males and order of the children. The children wore 'traditional' wake clothes, I don't know what do you call them. There were people from HK, Macau and China coming for the wake. Most of the time we were folding the paper, and they were saying fold as much as you can, so I tried to keep folding as many as possible. At the end of the day, the whole body was aching because most of the time you sit on the chair folding, then when there's visitors you stand and bow. I think because my grandma was really old, and though her death wasnt expected, it is a relief to many that she left without much pain. The emotions really built up when they burnt the things for her in after life and the family had to ask her to collect the things.

Today went to China for the cremation, because there is no place for cremation in Macau. We went in first because we were thinking that our immigration process will take much longer. Waited for close to 2 hours. The cremation process was fast, seemed faster than in Singapore.

Thankful for the relatives who helped planned everything.

Dying is a natural process, but it is something that we will never get use to.

After the cremation, people were telling each other to come visit us in xxx country when you are free. And everyone will be like yes we will. But I wonder if it will happen. I do hope my father gets more chance to go back to HK to visit his brothers, sister, in-laws, nieces and nephews - his family there, and also the other relatives in Macau and/or China. He has the connection with them so he should keep them, although I feel I have kind of lost it as much as I may want to keep it.

Just a thought, I wonder when I die, who will go and inform others that I have died and whether they will actually attend my funeral.

I didn't get go to a casino this time because not much free time. The purpose of the trip is really for the wake and cremation. And I'm staying at the airbnb so there is no casino downstairs. Previously when I came, I went to the hotel's casino every night and even on the morning when I left. Okay, prevent me from gambling addiction. I'm really the kind who will get easily addicted. The only thing touristy that appeals me in Macau is casinos. The only reason I visit Macau is to visit my grandma, and now that she is gone, I doubt I will be coming back anytime soon.

When we came, my nephew was recovering from being sick but still sick. Now he is better, but his parents are sick. My brother has a 39 degrees fever! My father is also recovering from cough. So I'm the only one who is well now. Even the niece seems a little sick, but her appetite is amazing. However, my asthma seems like it's really here to stay. It has been a long time since I have been attack free for a sustainable period. In the past when I got older, I used to not get any attacks, I wonder what happened.