Still sick

I think I haven't been sick for so long before, or maybe I did but I don't remember.

Today I went back to the doctor because my cough medicine is almost gone and I'm still coughing like crazy, especially last night.

The doctor ask me if I still have fever, then I say no more. Then the doctor took my temperature and it was 38 degrees. I think the doctor must be thinking I'm so such a liar. The doctor gave me antibiotics this time because he say by right the fever should go away by Thursday.

Then he say he give me mc for Monday? Then I say don't need because I already took 3 days this week. And there is also sdr on Monday. And after that I remember that got cmt meeting also. So cannot take mc.

Then after that he ask me to sleep for half a day. Haha I think my doctor very funny one. He will tell you things like go and eat 3 apples a day. I like him, he's a very nice doctor.

But damn expensive. 50 plus. This week I already spent almost 100 bucks on doctor.

Sick

Week 1 into school and I became sick. Think I got the virus from my nephew, and to think that I said I'm the one who didn't fall sick.

Sunday I was already feeling feverish, and was thinking if I should take mc on Monday. Decided against it since I promised to be at the foyer to wait for a kid. Ended up the kid was sick and didn't come. So I was just feeling damn sick all the time I was in school, and people said I looked pale. Usually even when I'm sick I also wouldn't look pale. Ate lunch in school but I couldn't even finish half of the noodles. Sandy and Michelle dragged me to the office to take time off to see doctor and go back. And I'm glad they did, or else I might have fainted at work.

When I was at the clinic, I was already half dead, but still had to wait about 1h to see the doctor. When the doctor took my temperature, he said 40 degrees I got a shock of my life. I didn't expect it to be so high because the highest I ever went was 39 degrees. The doctor gave me 3 days MC and asked me to rest and sleep alot. And i followed his instructions and slept alot because the medicine were also making me very drowsy.

Now my fever is more or less gone, but I'm still have cough, nausea and lack of appetite. I think the nausea is caused by me not really eating. And my mouth has this very weird bitter taste, not sure from the medicine or just part of the symptoms of my illness.

I'm still feeling very lethargic, but back to work tomorrow!

Goodbye forever

Today is my last day in Macau, flying back to Singapore tomorrow. The dread of going back to work, I'm not ready...

Had the wake yesterday and cremation today. The wake was a very traditional kind of wake, my first experience. Is really like a scene out of the drama, and also quite different from what we experience in Singapore. They really place importance on males and order of the children. The children wore 'traditional' wake clothes, I don't know what do you call them. There were people from HK, Macau and China coming for the wake. Most of the time we were folding the paper, and they were saying fold as much as you can, so I tried to keep folding as many as possible. At the end of the day, the whole body was aching because most of the time you sit on the chair folding, then when there's visitors you stand and bow. I think because my grandma was really old, and though her death wasnt expected, it is a relief to many that she left without much pain. The emotions really built up when they burnt the things for her in after life and the family had to ask her to collect the things.

Today went to China for the cremation, because there is no place for cremation in Macau. We went in first because we were thinking that our immigration process will take much longer. Waited for close to 2 hours. The cremation process was fast, seemed faster than in Singapore.

Thankful for the relatives who helped planned everything.

Dying is a natural process, but it is something that we will never get use to.

After the cremation, people were telling each other to come visit us in xxx country when you are free. And everyone will be like yes we will. But I wonder if it will happen. I do hope my father gets more chance to go back to HK to visit his brothers, sister, in-laws, nieces and nephews - his family there, and also the other relatives in Macau and/or China. He has the connection with them so he should keep them, although I feel I have kind of lost it as much as I may want to keep it.

Just a thought, I wonder when I die, who will go and inform others that I have died and whether they will actually attend my funeral.

I didn't get go to a casino this time because not much free time. The purpose of the trip is really for the wake and cremation. And I'm staying at the airbnb so there is no casino downstairs. Previously when I came, I went to the hotel's casino every night and even on the morning when I left. Okay, prevent me from gambling addiction. I'm really the kind who will get easily addicted. The only thing touristy that appeals me in Macau is casinos. The only reason I visit Macau is to visit my grandma, and now that she is gone, I doubt I will be coming back anytime soon.

When we came, my nephew was recovering from being sick but still sick. Now he is better, but his parents are sick. My brother has a 39 degrees fever! My father is also recovering from cough. So I'm the only one who is well now. Even the niece seems a little sick, but her appetite is amazing. However, my asthma seems like it's really here to stay. It has been a long time since I have been attack free for a sustainable period. In the past when I got older, I used to not get any attacks, I wonder what happened.

Life

Today received news that my paternal grandma passed away, and we were supposed to fly over to Macau to visit her next week.

My cousin fb messaged me at 12am but I was asleep already. Then this morning I received the news while on the way to school.It came as a shock because my father was just informing my uncle where we will be staying and all. And I was all prepared to bring my Polaroid there so that we can take pictures and she can keep the pictures. 

But she has lived a long life, she is 103 years old. I visited her in June last year, and though long distance she was in wheelchair but she could still walk and scold people. Although her memory isn't too good and would keep asking the same things.
Does she have a boyfriend?
Next time you can come alone if your father is busy, then I will go to the airport to fetch you.

She loves yacult, but when she has one whole packet of yacult she will share them with the other elderly in the old folks home. 

You cannot give her money because she will then lock herself in the room thinking that people want to take her money. 

I'm not close to her because most of time I'm in Singapore while she is in hk/macau. But I still feel the pain. Initially I think I was shock and abit lost, like then next week how? Then slowly you will feel the ache.

Our last photo taken last year

Then sometimes what people say just doesn't make sense. My colleague was like 

Colleague: maybe can take compassionate leave even though you not even sad.
Me: what you mean by not even sad
Colleague: You not even sad, you see you still smiling. After I heard that, immediately I felt a sense of irritation.

I'll still be going to Macau next week, though now the feeling/purpose will be different. We will be there for the funeral because the last day of funeral will be on our second day there (15th March).

This is the second consecutive Tuesday that I emo. Last week was because of the observation that made me felt super discouraged.