If you are the quiet one, the one who doesn't complain, the one who always says yes. 

You will also always be the forgotten one. 

You will also be the one who work and work without recognition. 

Nobody will realise the work you do. 

Nobody will realise the effort you put in. 

That's life. 

Your voice irks me. 

This world is filled with liars. Liars liars liars everywhere. 

Contentment - Learning to be contented

 I really really really hope I can train myself to be contented with life. 

• Count your blessings. I mentioned this above, and in a previous post, but for me it’s the best way to get to contentment. When you find yourself unhappy with something, or with what you don’t have, take a moment to count all the good things in your life. And I would bet there are many. It puts the focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t.
• Stop, and remind yourself. When you find yourself unhappy with someone, or trying to change them, stop yourself. Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you should try to be happy with that person for who he/she is. Take a moment to think about the good things about that person, the reasons you love that person. Then accept their faults as part of their entire package.
• Stop, and consider why you want something. When you feel the urge to buy something, think about whether it’s a need or a want. If it’s a want, take a pause. It’s good to wait 30 days — keep a 30-day list … when you want something, put it on the list with the date, and if you still want it in 30 days, you can buy it). Consider why you want something. Are you not content with what you already have? Why not?
• Take time to appreciate your life! I like to reflect on my life, and all the good things in it, on a regular basis. I do this when I run, or when I watch the sunset or sunrise, or when I’m out in nature. Another great method is a morning gratitude session — think of all the things and people you’re thankful for, and thank them silently.
• Show people you appreciate them. It’s good to appreciate people, but it’s even better to show them. Give them a hug, smile, spend time with them, thank them out loud, thank them publicly.
• Breathe, and smile. Once again, advice from one of my favorite monks, but it works in this context. Sometimes when we take the time to breathe, and smile, it can change our outlook on life.
• Learn to enjoy the simple things. Instead of wanting to buy expensive things, and spend money on doing things like eating out or entertainment, learn to enjoy stuff that’s free. Conversations and walks with other people. Spending time outdoors. Watching a DVD or playing board games. Going to the beach. Playing sports. Running. These things don’t cost much, and they are awesome.

https://zenhabits.net/the-incredible-power-of-contentment/

Last time when my grandpa was still alive, he will buy us durians when we go over on Saturday. 

When he couldn't really go out anymore, he would give money to my aunt to buy durian for us. 

💕

Insomnia

Recently my insomnia has came back.

I can go to bed.at 11.30pm and still be awake at 2am. 😭 and because I know I have insomnia, I already don't nap in the afternoon. 

Haix, and I know this insomnia stems from anxiety. I think I either need sleeping pills or some medication that can knock me out. 

Where is the girl who can fall asleep anytime anywhere anyhow. 

The life of a hoarder

This week, I'm trying to pack my room. 

On Monday, I threw away 2 boxes of nail polishes. I think there were at least 20 bottles? Some from an auntie (all OPI/ORLY) and some from Korea. When I went to Korea long time ago, I bought nail polishes like they were free, and then ended up giving alot of them to my cousin.  

On Wednesday, I tried to pack my wardrobe. I managed to pack one big bag of clothes to donate and some to throw. However, my wardrobe is still bursting. It's really so hard to donate/throw clothes, because I will be thinking what if I can wear them next time? And I realised I buy clothes that I don't wear/can't wear because they are cheap, thinking that I can wear them next time/I will lose weight. And I like to buy clothes and don't wear them, feeling good that I have alot of new clothes. Then I realised that I like to keep the packaging like the boxes or plastic of the things I bought. So I threw them away too. 

Today, I tried to pack my brother's room which have became my storeroom, but it's really so hard. No matter how I throw, the things doesn't seem to lessen. I really like to collect boxes, especially those beautiful boxes. When I go overseas, then I like to buy those biscuits and keep the boxes as momentos but they take up so much space. 

Why am I a hoarder? 

- I have difficulty throwing away things and have the mentality of what if I need to use them next time. 

- I keep even the packaging of the things. 

Not only am I a hoarder, I am also a shopperholic. I like to buy things when it's cheap or when there's a sale. When companies come out with a collection, like kit kat, I want to collect all the boxes. Then every few months, I will be addicted to something. For example, there was a period I was addicted to scrapbooking...then last I was addicted to crystals...then I will buy alot of things for my addiction. Not to mention buying things for my dog and the kiddos. I think if I'm not a shopperholic, I probably would have saved alot of money too. 

 

Toto...I'm still waiting for you. 

身心累

I feel like I'm so tired, is like I don't even have strength to walk. 

But

I don't know if I'm physically tired because I didn't sleep enough/well 

Or

I'm drained by the kids 

Or 

Im drained by the workload 

Or 

Everything 

Today the canteen auntie was asking me, below your eyes there's this black thing, is it you put eyeliner or because not enough sleep. 

Our team was supposed to do something- plan a programme for the kids in the programme...then one of the member went to complain to say if we are doing the programme, shouldn't we be off loaded. Then her boss went to say to let me and V do it, and work with the plc lit group. I was damn irritated because hello? I'm also running the programme so if the others should be off loaded shouldn't I be too? And I'm quite sure my periods are not any less than the rest of them but my pay is hahha... In the first place I shouldn't even be doing this programme, but not enough people then okay I do. I don't mind doing the programme actually. However, it's also not fair that they are loading me like that. So I told the person who asked me to do the extra programme to tell her boss to say that I'm also doing the programme so why load me, but either she didn't (cause when I told her I think she treated it as a joke) or her boss didn't listen. Just because I usually don't say no...it's really making me very 身心累。