Let it go 

Don't think 

Don't do 

Don't stress 

Don't get upset 

Just chill 

scar scar scar

I kept telling myself, telling people, its okay. 

I'm thankful that despite the operation, my operation was considered a small operation and the pain was much less and much more bearable than many other people or other type of operations. It is also not like cancer where after the operation I have to go for further treatment that have terrible side effects. 

I really feel that way especially when I watch medical shows or dramas and I see the pain that people underwent. I am thankful.

But I really think, because of the location of the scar, I really cannot get over the scar. Everytime it hurts (think because of the nerve growing) it reminds me of the scar. Everytime I brush my teeth and look into the mirror I see the scar. Doesn't help that I am left handed so I always lift my left hand and then I will see the scar. And the scar is not like something I can cover up with my clothes because it is located at the forearm. Unless I go wearing long sleeves everyday. Wear my hoodie. 

It's just a scar, but comestically is so ugly. At this moment, I really cannot get over it.

So today I have come to the end of my operation. It has been exactly 4 weeks. 

Last Tuesday I went to remove my stitches then he couldn't remove all of them because the middle was the tightest so it might split, so today went back to remove the rest of the stitches and he discharged me. 

So I ask him why he didn't use the dissolvable stitches, then he said because dissolvable stitches are very weak and may break, and if it breaks the whole thing will piak piak piak. But for the one he is using is stitch by stitch so even if one split the whole thing won't split. 

Then I asked this surgery is it normal GP also can do, then he say "Cannot lah. Cause it's very big." 

The stupid thing was while waiting for my turn, my stupid slipper broke. Thankfully Olivia came and brought me a pair of slippers after that. Before that, I was dragging my foot into the doctor room. The doctor asked me what happened to my feet and I said nothing. Haha too paiseh to say my slipper broke. 

I asked the doctor if it will come back. He said no it won't, not at the same place. Haha does it mean it will come back at another place. Anyway he praised my dressing very dry...of course I cling wrapped it before I bath. 

Halfway through when he was removing the stitches, the receptionist/nurse came in to ask him to sign a mc. And then the thing is, while he was signing, he poke a hole on the mc. And if its my mc I will be like wts. And while I was thinking about this, I realised that the receptionist forgot to ask me if I needed mc. Maybe I look like a student so they thought I school holiday🤭🤭. Anyway they gave a free bottle of hand sanitizer as souvenir. Haha I don't know why, probably they have too many. 

Me: So after this I can apply cream? 

Doc: Can, wait for 2 days during weekend. You want to apply SK-eleven ah? 

Insomnia

Recently I have been suffering from insomnia. I'm not sure why though. 

Maybe it's because 

- anxiety that it's December and the holiday will just end like that. 

- anxiety that I haven't been opening my laptop to work enough. Last I on my laptop was Tuesday. Last I worked was Wednesday. I don't know why I feel anxious when I don't work daily during the holiday but yet I feel like I'm not making good use of the holiday if I worked. 

- worried about the scar I'm going to have on my arm. 

Why why why. I used to very good at sleeping.